I won 3rd place for Chingay mural competition!

I received People's Association's invitation to unveil the winner for Chingay: Road to UNESCO Mural Design Competition on 28 Jan. It was a surprise to hear that my mural got into top 3.

My mural is titled A Taste of Chingay. It is an imaginary Chingay parade scene, where each performer is dressed up as a Singaporean food or drink, forming a line-up that showcases Singapore’s diverse food culture, against a scenic backdrop of our iconic landmarks on floats.

I drew this on my iPad's Procreate in August last year, spending 35 hours over 5 days to complete. The biggest difficulty was definitely in the drawing technicalities, and also arranging the individual elements such that the big picture looks cohesive. 

The event was held at Red Swastika School. The organisers have invited 5 prominent people, including Edwin Tong, Singapore's Minister for Law and Second Minister for Home Affairs. It was the debut of the My Little Chingay Float” truck as well. 

Very cute paper Chingay floats made by the students here. I see many familiar icons like MBS and the merlion.

Inside the truck were digital screens to play games or answer trivias. There were 5 interactive stations, including writing postcards, trying on Chingay costumes, designing your own Chingay floats, photoshoots, and the truck etc. 

At 9am, they announced the mural winner by turning over the 6 panels, revealing the winner's mural behind. My name was announced for 3rd place. Since there was no dry run, I awkwardly walked to the 3 award presenters, shook their hands, then tried to take the trophy from minister Edwin Tong's hands but he refused to let it go. I panicked a while because 10+ cameras were on us, then the last presenter invited me stand beside him. Oh! I had to pose with the trophy first! Lmaooooo. 

I honestly felt like the winner was soooo deserving because hers was hand-painted and mad impressive! 

The organisers printed our murals as postcards, which they gave us for free! 

More paper Chingay floats designed by students. 

That was all! I headed to Singapore General Hospital for my right foot appointment, and thankfully doctor Grace said there was no need to change my dressing anymore because the skin had fully recovered.  Hurray! One less appointment now. 

I have officially withdrawn from Well-Being Circles as a facilitator due to reasons only I know of, which I shall spill now. 

It was pretty time-consuming to prepare each session's content. I don't have a background in psychology or counselling, so I spent each week reading online materials extensively to make sure everything I was going to say is factual and accurate, and that I could answer unexpected questions from participants. I planned each session meticulously, writing out the schedule, content outline, facts and figures, even scripting my entire speech so I can speak more eloquently. Each session took 5-10 hours to prepare, but I didn't mind the effort. 

The issue was with my co-facilitator. He was very laid-back and self-assured, but I also found him judgmental and vague. In contrast, I valued direct communication, mental clarity and thoughtfulness. He misunderstood many things about me because I guess he didn't know me well enough. 

From our 1st zoom discussion, I already noticed my co-facilitator kept judging my thoughts from a black-and-white, right-versus-wrong lens. My approach was that there were no right or wrong answers, just say what you prefer to facilitate and I'll say mine, then "you do you, let me do me" kinda thing. He gave me a lot of unsolicited advice on what I should do for our first upcoming session, which I assumed was because he is pursuing a masters in counselling and felt he was in a more knowledgeable position.

Our 1st session went well, or so I thought. Yet in our 2nd discussion, he gave me unsolicited advice on how I could learn to actively listen when participants talk and be in the present etc. But I did exactly that!!! I held space for participants through silence when they shared painful stories, allowing them to sit with their uncomfortable emotions for processing. He interpreted my thoughtful silence as "not being present and active". Nevermind.

In the 2nd session, I spoke on the topic of past pain. One participant asked for clarity on whether her recent experiences were considered as "past pain", to which my co-facil answered vaguely with "it depends". Okaaay, he uses vague language when he doesn't know answers, but switches back to black-and-white, right-versus-wrong strong judgments when convenient. In other words, he relies on subjective emotional truth, not what is objective and factual consistently. I'm not against it, I just have to be mindful of his communication style, which can come across as manipulative.

In the 3rd session, I was caught off-guard when my co-facil pushed me to lead right from the beginning, From our prior discussion, I got the impression that he was gonna lead the first half while I finish up the second half. I panicked like mad because I hadn't prepared any script for the first half, yet all participants' eyes were already on me. My mind went blank and I went silent a few times, so my co-facil kept stepping in to fill in silent gaps for me, yet refused to take over. It made me feel very very incompetent and a letdown to my participants. I wonder if he changed our agreed schedule on purpose to test me, or did he really forget what we agreed on??? 

Then came the lego activity. After each participant opened up vulnerably about the story behind their lego creation, it was my turn to share. But my co-facil cut me off before I could even speak, citing "time constraints" despite there being enough time. Even the participant beside me blurted out "but what about her???", and I had to ask my co-facil for permission to share, wth??? I briefly shared my story and tried not to show my disappointment in what he did. 

Towards the end of the session, I shared my personal story with a problem to energise the participants, also to use the story to transition into questions for them to reflect. My plan worked because everyone got engaged immediately by jumping in with suggestions. However, my co-facil suddenly cut off my facilitation time before I could transition into reflection time, and he directed questions to 2 "quiet" participants instead. I didn't like that he didn't ask me first before interrupting since we already agreed I was to lead. Also, I prefer to let participants speak up at their own pace whenever they feel ready, instead of singling them out like he did.

Immediately after the session, my co-facil gave me back-handed advice again by accusing me that I got too "caught up" with sharing my own story that I "neglected" the participants, especially the quiet ones that he singled out. He interpreted my strategic, objective sharing as an 🖤 tional outburst or bid for attention. He also said he did not want participants to solve my problem. But to be honest, having my problems solved for me is how I feel seen and valued too, especially when my design job is all about solving others’ problems! He could have asked me for clarity first,  like whether sharing my problem was part of a bigger plan to lead the next segment, or shown some empathy like asking if I'd like to have my problem solved. 

Also, isn't he a HYPOCRITE??? Because in the previous 2nd session, he volunteered to share a deeply vulnerable letter about his emotions as an example for the participants to model after too. After that, all particpants and I honored his emotions with space and silence. So why wasn't I treated with the same level of respect and dignity when I shared my story??? 

Although I outwardly acted fine with his accusations, my boundaries had been severely disrespected. He completely missed my inner clarity and goal, only focused on nitpicking what I show externally. I already said during the 3rd session that I do not like unsolicited advice, yet he kept speaking to me in instructional tone ("I need you to do blah blah") without even asking me for my thoughts first and being mindful that I had my own facilitation style. It was so hypocritical and condescending. His weekly unsolicited advice and correction made me feel incredibly incompetent, unprepared, or unconcerned with my participants, whom I care very deeply about. 

After that, I ate lunch alone at 111 Somerset and I never SO SHITTY in a long time that I teared a little actually. I thought Well-Being Circles was a space where I could share my real self and connect with others, something I can never do at work or home. I had also poured in SO MUCH effort and love into every session simply because I want to protect it so much, but was only misunderstood week after week.

A heavy weight eventually settled on me that day, that I can't speak up or share my stories again because my co-facilitator would surely say it's "wrong" and correct me again. If I can’t share my real and authentic self, why continue at all? 

So I wrote in to the management and my co-facil to announce my departure. I honestly felt sad to leave and a disappointment to my participants, but I did this to prevent my resentment and anger from growing and eventually affecting the group vibes. Leaving was for the better honestly, I felt free and happier.